9 Hard-Boiled Jokes

If these jokes make you laugh, you are 100% bored with with your life and disapponted with women in general [it aplies to male as well female species]

Number 1
-What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
-Gang rape.

Number 2
At a dancing ball in the palace of duke Orlov, a group of men are sharing stories from the last war.  Eventually comes the turn of Lieutenant Rzhevski:
"It was during the Borodino battle. Our unit was riding towards the enemy, when an artillery strike killed almost everyone. My horse was dead, and as I raised myself from the ground I saw four cavalrymen from Napoleon’s elite guard charging towards me! Gentlemen! I crapped myself!"
After some silence duke Orlov remarks:
"Well… of course it is a little unexpected, but considering the situation … you were confused, outnumbered four to one, and without a horse … could happen to anyone"
Rzhevski answers
"Sir, you misunderstood me.  I crapped myself now!"

Number 3
- Doctor! Please! Tell me I will not die! Why do you look at me like that?
- Whoa, nurse, I am awfully tired… please stitch him up yourself. You know, after a double shift I sometimes feel as if bodies are talking to me…

Number 4
A new teacher is speaking with his pupils.
- And now tell me, what do your fathers do - he says.
- My father is a doctor, he heals sick people - says Mary.
- Good! And yours Johny?
- My father is a bus driver, he takes people to work each day.
- Thank you Johny. And your father, Billy, what does he do?
- My does nothing, because he is dead.
- Oh, I am sorry to hear that. And what did he do before he died?
- He went all blue and crapped on the carpet.

Number 5
- Daddy! Daddy! I looked at the sun through the telescope!
- Oh no! With what eye?
- The right eye!
- Close your left eye! Do you see anything?
- Yes.
- Thanks God! What do you see?
- The sun!

Number 6 [Immortally Black]
- Mom! Mom! Dad hanged himself!!!
- Where?
- In the bathroom!
Mother runs into the bathroom - there is no one there …
- First of April mom! Fools day! He hangs in the kitchen!

Number 7
- Hey dwarf, I’m a prince! Where is the sleeping beauty?
- Over there! Have fun, but make sure you do not kiss her! And it is 50 florins an hour!

Number 8
A Klan man discovered that he had traces of African-American blood…
… on the bumper of his pick-up truck.

Number 9
- A necrophiliac is courting my grandma.
- What does he do?
- Waits.