I work here?

1. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
2. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
3. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
5. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
6. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
7. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
8. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
9. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
10. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
11. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
12. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
13. How about never? Is never good for you?
14. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
15. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
16. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
17. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
18. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.