I'd rather have fingers than toes;
I'd rather have ears than a nose;
But as for my hair
I'm glad it's still there.
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
Crazy World
The world has gone whirling in circles,
The cat has gone chasing its tail,
The police are arresting policemen,
And locking each other in jail.
The Ant
The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious
So what?
Would you be calm and placid,
If you were full of formic acid?
Conviction vs. Prejudice
We might as well give up the fiction
That we can argue any view
For what in me is pure conviction
Is simple prejudice in you.
Suicidal Resume
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp;
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful
You might as well live.
Parents? What for?
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore
And that's what parents were created for.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore ... And that's what parents were created for.
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you are wrong admit it,
Whenever you are right shut up.
He'd have the best, and that was none too good;
No barrier could hold before his terms.
He lies below, correct in cypress wood
And entertains the most exclusive worms.
Her name, cut clear upon this marble cross
Shines as it shone when she was still on earth;
While tenderly the wild, agreeable moss
Obscures the figures of her date of birth.
#3 To a Beloved One
To follow you I'm not content.
How do I know which way you went?
Here lies my wife.
Here let her lie.
Now she's at rest
And so am I.
This spot is the sweetest I've seen in my life
For it raises my flowers and covers my wife.
Life is jest, and all things show it
I thought so once, but now I know it.
#7 [by Robert Burns]
Here lies with Death old Grizel Grim
Lincluden's ugly witch.
O Death! how horrid is thy taste
To lie with such a bitch.
... And I lie here warm, and I lie here
And watch the worms slip by, slip by.

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