Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why weren't you at school yesterday?
Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.
Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?
Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they don't fuck around at those crematoriums.
# # #
- What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
- There is no difference: the both are the best when they cold on table.
* * *
- Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the yard?
- Shut up, and give me more bullets.