Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
- "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
- "Yes, I do," the patient replied.
- "Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood. The doctor asked,
- "What does that tell you?"
- "Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
* * *
- Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.
- Nonsense! I like sausages too.
- Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.
$ $ $
In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other,
- "Why are you here?"
The second answers,
- "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."
The first is curious and asks,
- "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"
The second responds,
- "God told me I was."
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts,
- "NO I DIDN'T!"