You hold it...:
"In a city park stood two beautiful statues, one female and the other male -- both nude. These two statues faced each other for many, many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, 'The two of you have been truly exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people that have visited the park over the years. I am hereby authorized by God to give you the greatest wish that can be bestowed upon you. I grant you the gift of life -- albeit, as a limited offer. You have thirty minutes to do whatever your hearts desire.'
And with that command, the two statues came to life. They smiled at each other, slowly moved their limbs about in wonderment. They looked all around, at their own bodies and back at each other.
Smiling, they then ran to the nearby woods and dove behind a large bush.
The angel smiled to herself as she listened to the giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. (Angels aren't naive.)
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, looking extremely satisfied and wearing nothing but even bigger smiles than before.
Puzzled, the angel looked at her watch and said to them, 'You still have fifteen minutes. Wouldn't you like to continue?'
The male statue looked at the female and asked, 'Do you want to do it again?'
'Oh yes!' the female statue replied. 'But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL shit on its head.'"