Masturbating is something that we do because it feels fantasmic. But sometimes there are just not enough words in the English language to describe the act and it's subsequent glory. That's why there are so many eupehmisms for the act of jerkin' it sweetly. Here are exactly 54 of them:
"fleshing out some ideas"
"managing the issues at hand"
boxing Helena
balancing your checkbook
"around the world in 80 seconds"
bashing the trash
Hawking a wiener loogie
unleashing the chinese dragon
"going supersonic"
playing roller derby with the home team
roasting the fresh hot nuts
screaming
loading the catapult
breaking the catapult
breaching the bladder
"banzai slide-kick"
setting your mind aflame with the redundant possibilities of the universe
the great pubic challenge
paying a visit to the cum fairy
food fight!
dropping the kids off at the pool
A Night in Tunisia
"murdering kidnapped children"
goin' RAMBO
applying to community college
listening to Wu-Tang
doing it "asylum style"
the carnival of souls
clowning around with mr. drippy
making penis-diarrhea
"waxing festive"
pocket-pummeling
fun with saran-wrap
spreading poison ivy
floorigami
taunting the ayatollah
playing pocket-horseshoes
playing pocket-sack race
playing pocket-egg toss
playing pocket-extreme skateboarding
playing pocket-ripcord (the)
arresting macy gray
fondling the infant duckling
kismet
Destination: Flammable Oil Rags in Garage
Table Weenis
The Taming of the Shrew
The Natural
Double Jeopardy
Correcting The Pop Quizzes
Flipping Through the Farmer's Palmanac
Making toilet babies
Hammertime!
Talking to the man in the mirror
A new one: Talking to MacGruber.
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