Joke - Conditional 1

A man was laying on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been screwed?'
The man broke into a big smile and said, 'No.'
She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

Active or Passive?

Open the brackets.

From 'The History of Tea'

Tea ________________ (make) from the leaves of the tea plant. At first, it ______________ (use) as a medicine, but it ____________________ (become) an everyday drink in the third century A.D. First, the leaves _______________________ (pick) from the plant and they are spread onto a cloth. They ________________________ (leave) there for up to 20 hours. Next, the leaves are rolled up until they ___________________ (break) into small pieces. Finally, the leaves ________________ (dry). The tea _______________ (pack) into containers and sent to different countries. It ______________________ (sell) to customers as loose leaves, as teabags and as instant tea. To make tea, we __________________ (boil) water and __________________ (pour) it over the try to unity pots. This __________________ (leave) for 3 to 5 minutes. We can then add milk, lemon or sugar. In Britain, it was the custom to serve tea in the afternoons with sandwiches and cakes. This custom ______________________ (start) by the Duchess of Bethel around 1840. Today, people _________________________ (drink) tea all over the world.


____________ 0ut of 14

Debating

One of the most productive and entertaining ways to spark any upper-intermediate learner's interest is debating. People seem to disagree on a great variety of issues, have their own "independent" view on almost any subject imaginable.

  Debates were created as an opportunity to educate and be educated. Originally intended to elevate the collective psyche, effective debating is an art-form worthy of study

Read more at Suite101: How to Debate Effectively: Techniques for Prevailing in a Debate http://trainingpd.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_debate_effectively#ixzz0khDRZk4p 

Present Perfect: Theory and Practice

  In addition  to this post about Present Perfect
Level 1, Level 2, Level 3 

• Verb Tense Exercise 5 Simple Past and Present Perfect
• Verb Tense Exercise 6 Simple Past and Present Perfect
• Verb Tense Exercise 7 Present Perfect and Present Perfect Continuous
• Verb Tense Exercise 8 Present Perfect and Present Perfect Continuous
• Verb Tense Exercise 12 Simple Past, Present Perfect, and Past Perfect
• Verb Tense Exercise 14 Present Perfect, Past Perfect, Present Perfect Continuous, and Past Perfect Continuous
• Verb Tense Exercise 16 Present and Past Tenses with Non-Continuous Verbs
• Verb Tense Exercise 17 Present and Past Tense Review
• Verb Tense Practice Test Cumulative Verb Tense Review
• Verb Tense Final Test Cumulative Verb Tense Review    

taken from here

A Story About Forks

  In 1608 an Englishman whose name was Thomas Corayte visited Italy. He liked the country and noted down every interesting thing he found. But there was one thing which he found more interesting than the others. In his diary Thomas wrote, “ When the Italians eat meat, they use small forks. They do not eat it with hands, as they say, people do not always have clean hands.”
  Before leaving for England, Thomas Corayte bought a few forks.
  At home Thomas gave a dinner to show the invention to his friends. When the servants brought the steaks, he took out a fork and began to eat like they did in Italy.
  Everybody looked at him in surprise. When he told his friends what it was, they all wanted to take a good look at the strange thing. All his friends said that the Italians were very strange people because the fork was very inconvenient.
  Thomas Corayte tried to prove the opposite. He said it was not nice to eat meat with one’s fingers because they were not always clean.
  Everybody got angry at that. Did Mr Corayte think that people in England always had dirty hands?
  Thomas Corayte wanted to show that it was very easy to use the fork. But the first piece of meat he took with the fork fell to the floor. His friends began to laugh and he had to take the fork away.
  Only fifty years later did people in England begin to use forks.

                        (Taken from “Английский язык для школьников и поступающих в ВУЗы.” by Tsvetkova I.V., Klepalchenko I.A., Myltseva N. A.    Москва: Глосса – Пресс , 2003     c.73.)

Answer the questions:
1.Why did Thomas Corayte bring forks to England?
2.Why did everybody look at Thomas when he began to eat like the Italians?
3.Why did the first piece of meat fall to the floor when Thomas took it with the fork?
4.When did people in England begin to use forks?

The Bemuda Triangle

  In 1492, just before he reached land, Christopher Columbus wrote that strange things were happening at sea. His ship’s compass wasn’t working right, and there were mysterious lights over the ocean. Today, the area that Columbus sailed through is famous because of the hundreds of ships and airplanes that have been lost there. This part of the ocean, which stretches from Florida to Puerto Rico to Bermuda, is often called the Bermuda Triangle.
  Among the stories that have created a stir is the disappearance of Flight 19. In Flight 19, there were five United States Navy airplanes that were on a short and easy training mission. After reporting that the compass on the airplane wasn’t working properly, one of the pilots radioed that they were in a jam. There was something wrong with their position; they were lost. Then the airplanes just disappeared. A rescue airplane was sent out to bring them back, but something happened to that airplane as well. It disappeared along with the others. None of the planes or the 27 men on board were ever found.
  Another bizarre incident involved a National Airlines passenger flight. Not long before it was announced to land at Miami International Airport, the flight disappeared from the airport’s radar screens. For ten minutes, the airplane could not be found on radar. But the flight did arrive on schedule. When it landed, the pilot said that, out of the blue, a strange fog had appeared and surrounded them for 10 minutes. It is strange but all the clocks and watches of the passengers and crew were ten minutes slow.
   Some people think that UFOs are responsible. Others say that there are dangerous forces in the Bermuda Triangle and that traveling in that area is playing with fire. Most experts don’t believe these ideas, offering other explanations, such as bad weather or accidents. However, it is true that thousands of people have disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle. People who say they don’t believe it often have to agree that they are wrong when they examine the evidence.       

             (Taken From “Moscow News” № 36, September 5 – 11, 2001

                                                      “Learn English with Longman and MN”   p.4)

Answer the Questions:

1.What happened to Christopher Columbus when he sailed through the area known as the Bermuda Triangle?
2.How many airplanes in Flight 19 disappeared? How many were later found?
3.What happened to the National Airlines flight that landed in Miami?
4.What was strange about the clocks and watches on board the airplane?
5.What do you think the best explanation is for the strange things that happen in the Bermuda Triangle?
6.Do you the stories about people disappearing in the Bermuda Triangle are true? Why or why not?

Offer vs. Suggest

These verbs often present difficulties for Russian learners of English. I must confess that I myself confused them back then in the early stages of learning the language. Without further ado, let me dwell upon several specific meanings to tell one from the other. Mind I’m not going into great detail here (you can look up all the patterns in meaning of both the words in any good bilingual dictionary). My focus here is show some patterns of correct usage and find the right equivalent for: Что вы можете предложить (предложите)?


1 When you offer something to someone, this something is something CONCRETE. It may be a job offer, work, a seat, an apple, Common Patterns are: To offer smth To offer smb smth e.g He had offered cocaine to an undercover police officer. What can you offer? (something concrete like a job) Can I offer you a drink? If you offer to do something, you say that you are willing to do it. Peter offered to teach them water-skiing.

2 If you suggest something, this something is a PLAN or IDEA for someone to think about. Common Patterns are: To suggest (to smb that) smb do smth I suggest you ask him some specific questions about his past... I suggested to Mike that we go out for a meal with his colleagues...  To suggest smb should do smth What do you suggest we should do? Where do you suggest we should go?   To suggest doing smth I suggest going out after dinner.I suggest going out after dinner.

Now the questions:

What can you offer? – Что вы можете предложить? (such questions are usually asked at a job interview. In any case, it’s something REAL, CONCRETE) 

What can you suggest? – Что вы можете предложить (в смысле порекомендовать)

Can you suggest a restaurant to us?

What do you suggest we should do?

Where do you suggest we should go?

Сan you suggest where I can park my car? - не посоветуете ли /не подскажете ли/, где я могу поставить машину?

You can find the Russian explanation here.

New Year's Resolutions

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point.
1. I want to gain weight -- at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit -- maybe smoking.
8. Spend more time at work.
9. Stop bringing lunch from home -- I should eat out more.
10. Start being superstitious.
jumbojokes.com

Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and
jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


- Desperate


Dear Desperate,


Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: "C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" and install Tears 6.2.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour 7.0
or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.


- Tech Support

Sleep Idioms

Прочитайте предложения 1-10. Что означают выделенные фразовые глаголы?
1. My daughter has asked my permission to sleep over at her friend’s house tonight.
2. I drifted off listening to the steady beat of the train wheels.
3. I drew the curtains, made a cup of hot chocolate and started to listen to music to help me wind down after today’s hectic day in the office.
4. Today is my day off. I can finally sleep in!
5. Little Danny was so tired that he fell asleep as soon as he boarded the plane. He slept through the takeoff and most of the flight.
6. I wake up at 7:00 am when my alarm-clock rings. I don’t get up right away indulging in bed for another 10-15 minutes.
7. I’ve worked two night shifts in a row and need to catch up on sleep.
8. My friend has just crashed out on my sofa. She’s probably had too many drinks.
9. I need to sleep off my migraine. I hope it’ll go away after a couple of hours of rest.
Новые фразовые глаголы:
• sleep over - остаться (гостем) переночевать
• drift off - задремать
• wind down - успокаиваться
• sleep in - спать дольше обычного
• sleep through - не заметить что-либо сквозь сон, проспать что-либо
• get up - вставать
• catch up - нагнать (упущенный сон)
• crash out - отрубиться (от усталости или подвыпитого состояния)
• wake up - просыпаться
• sleep off – отоспаться (чтобы лучше себя чувствовать)

Ответьте на вопросы:
* What age should kids be allowed to sleep over at their friends’ houses?
* What makes you drift off?
* Do you sleep in on the weekend?
* How do you wind down after work?
* Have your ever slept through New Year’s Eve?
* Do you get up right after you wake up?
* Have you ever crashed out in a taxi?
* Can you sleep off the effects of a jetlag?